I survived. No…really I did. With shaking fingers and a racing heart, I pressed the post button on Tuesday exposing my fat for what it was…a suffocating, life sucking monster that I had allowed to take every ounce of desire to really live away.
And you know what…as shameful as exposing weaknesses and failures is; I have never felt more relieved. I slept Tuesday night for the first time in many, many years. I mean really slept. It was as though 10 million loads had been lifted from my shoulders.
But what’s even more amazing than a great night’s rest and relief from finally putting it all out there was the response I got from so many.
You see, what I came to realize Tuesday was this journey of life we are all on is not really about us as individuals. This journey is about doing for and creating joy and loving and listening to others. This journey is about using whatever you have both externally and internally to lift up those around us.
We all have a story. Did you know that? We really do. We have hurts and joys and laughter and tears and secrets. We have hidden skeletons far in the recesses of our minds and brilliant tales of successes, too.
I was so embarrassed and ashamed to expose what I so desperately have tried to hide, but I did it…not for anyone else, but for me. And surprisingly, through my shame, God blessed me by showing me that there are so many more just like me.
Whether your battle is losing weight or trying to gain weight, or struggling with insecurities or past hurts, or anger and bitterness, or drugs and/or alcohol…your pain and isolation is just as painful as mine. You are not alone!
So today, I am rejoicing, not in my shame, but in the all-encompassing grace I have been shown by friends, family, and complete strangers that have embraced me not for what I have become, but for who I am on the journey to be.
I am taking one day at a time…literally. I am trusting the One who knows and loves me…my creator…to give me the strength to fight the temptations and push me to do the dreaded exercise I have to do. So far, so good!
Whatever your struggle, I pray today you will know peace. Peace that comes from the painful release of whatever binds you. Just put it all out there! There is no living going on in the past…only death…slow, eating away at the soul death. You deserve more! We all do!