Thursday, January 17, 2013

The Woman in the Wheelchair

Last Monday, January 7th, I had to take Connor to the doctor. He slipped on my freshly mopped wood floors Sunday night chasing my dogs and pulled his groin muscle. On Monday morning, he couldn't walk.

While sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's office, I noticed a lady in a wheelchair. She was what would be described as morbidly obese. She turned at one point and looked at me. Her face was absolutely stunning. Without saying a word, we both smiled at one another. In that instant, I had a revelation. In just a matter of time, I would be her...I would be unable to walk...unable to breathe...unable to live freely the way I want to. I needed to see her that day. It was as though God revealed my future through her. I wish now I would have hugged her and told her that she was beautiful. We were both smiling on the outside, but dying on the inside.

Fat is hell. Plain and is hell. Regardless, of how you got that way, there is not a day that goes by that you don't wish your body was different. There is not a day that goes that you don't hate what you've done to yourself, but you still keep doing it. Why? Because food is good...really good! And eating it...lots of it...fills a part of you that is missing something. The satisfaction of the food, though, is only temporary. The guilt from having consumed so much, however, lasts far longer than the temporary goodness offered by mass quantities of unhealthy foods.

Ask any overweight person how to lose weight. They know how to do it. Most overweight people can tell you easily how to lose weight. The knowledge of knowing what to do comes easy. It's the decision to actually do what it takes...sacrifice...move your right...learn to love who you are on the inside...that makes the knowledge you hold turn into success on the scale.

So, here I am...10 days in...Here's what I'm doing. The first thing I did was download an app on my phone called "My Fitness Pal". A friend told me about it, and I LOVE it!!!! It keeps up with how many calories, fat grams, sodium, and carbs I need everyday. So for every morsel or liquid I consume, I put it in my phone. This alone, has made a HUGE difference for me. I am planning my day's food a day ahead and packing a bag to take with me to work. I am eating a large breakfast, a medium lunch, and a small dinner, and 3 snacks throughout the day. I am really enjoying the different foods and have really not craved or felt like I am missing out on anything.

Next, I started recording a show called "Christian Fitness". It ties in devotions along with a workout that is done to contemporary Christian music. I am not able to fully keep up with the instructor, but I am getting better everyday. When I have to take a break, I just keep moving arm, a leg...just something. This is my least favorite part! I hate exercise! For real...I don't like it. But I won't quit! Instead of going home after work everyday, and sitting in my chair motionless in front of the tv, I plan out things I can do at home and make myself keep moving. Having a very active 9 year old boy helps immensely. He and I have been dancing and wrestling and just acting plain crazy...but I am moving and that's all that matters. While attempting to do the downward dog yoga position during the cool down part of the show, Connor yelled, "Mama, Who do you want me to call?" Perplexed, out of breath, and ready to pass out, I said, "What are you talking about?" His reply, "You're going to suffocate from your boobs covering your face and fall out. Who do you want me to call to get you off of the floor?" I love my kid! At least he's learning now to get healthy.

I have watched every weight loss transformation story on you tube there is out there. I needed the motivation and the great ideas. Technology is a wonderful tool for losing weight!

Planning for everything has been the key. I plan my meals and my activities. I can't let there be a single moment right now where I am not prepared. It is in those moments of indecisiveness that lead me to eat the wrong foods and way too much of it.

For example, last Saturday Connor wanted a bacon cheeseburger and tater tots from Sonic. I knew watching him eat and smelling that food would send me into orbit. So, I ordered a bag of apple slices and diet limeade for myself. Amazingly, I was content. However, when he was done eating, he still had a quarter of his burger left and 6 tater tots. I knew ahead he would have left overs because he always does. Ten days ago, I would have eaten them, because I always ate his left overs whether I was hungry or not. But this time, I opened up the sunroof and told him to throw the leftover food out for the raccoons to eat...not the paper...just the food. Do you know what? I didn't even turn the car around to go back and get it. Ha Ha! I started laughing as he tossed the food out at how ludicrous it must have seemed, but I knew if that food stayed in my jeep, I would have eaten it.

I know my weaknesses. I know not to get too hungry. I know not to expose myself right now to places or people who are triggers for food. This all sounds so crazy seeing it in print, but the truth is, living as a fat girl is crazy! Food addicts will go to great lengths to get what they want and hide it. When, really, nothing is hidden. You can't hide fat. It is what it is...rolls of it hanging off of your body.

Perhaps the best part of the last 10 days is seeing the progress. I can see the veins in my feet and hands again. The puffiness in my cheeks is gone. In 10 short days, I have lost weight. But even better than losing the weight, is the feeling of finally doing what I know I can do! I am taking care of my body...physically, mentally, and spiritually. Remarkably, I have seen a transformation in my kid. He is so proud of me! He has been so encouraging and is loving who I am striving to be. He deserves a healthy mama...and with God's help and sheer determination...he will get one!

No comments:

Post a Comment